Florida - you keep this ship afloat

SARASOTA, Fla. – Authorities said a Sarasota man about to be pulled over by police tried to lure officers away by making a fake 911 call. Officers said they were following a 28-year-old man's car Monday to make a traffic stop when they got a 911 call for an armed robbery happening several blocks away.

The man's plan seemed to work at first when the officers cut off their chase to answer the call. But then other officers in the area followed him into a parking lot and saw a gun in his car.

Officer's determined that the man was a felon and not allowed to possess a firearm. After the man was arrested, officers said they discovered that the bogus 911 call came from his cell phone.

Girly Man Phones Home

An armed robber rang his mum on his mobile phone when he found himself cornered by police during a raid.

The man, 26, was trying to rob an electronics shop in Sao Paulo, Brazil, when police arrived, Agora newspaper reports.

He then threatened the hostages and said that he would not do anything until he had spoken to his mother.

The robber, who had four accomplices, called his mother and, after speaking to her, agreed to release the hostages.

A police spokesman said: "I never saw anything like this before, he was the classic case of a mama's boy until the end.

"He followed everything she advised and all went well."

German has shitty luck.

Drunk driver rang police

A drunk driver was arrested in Germany after he accidentally rang the police instead of a breakdown service when he had a flat tyre.

Before he realised who he was speaking to, the 31-year-old let it slip that he had no licence and was driving under the influence.

The civil servant, who lost his licence eight years ago, had a blow out in the western town of Monheim while driving a car borrowed from a friend.

He had a blood alcohol level that was seven times the legal limit, and when he tried to call the German equivalent of the AA he became confused and dialled the emergency number for the police.

The drunken man phoned and said: "My car is broken and I need you to come and fix it. You better be quick because I'm really pretty drunk and I don't have a licence so it wouldn't be good if the cops drove past."

A Monheim police spokesman said: "He wanted us to come quickly, so we did."

Dr. makes Tyler Durden biodiesel

For a time, Beverly Hills doctor Craig Alan Bittner turned the fat he removed from patients into biodiesel that fueled his Ford SUV and his girlfriend's Lincoln Navigator.
Love handles can power a car? Frighteningly, yes. Fat--whether animal or vegetable--contains triglycerides that can be extracted and turned into diesel. Using fat to fuel cars might be environmentally friendly, but it's definitely illegal in California to use human medical waste to power vehicles, and Bittner is being investigated by the state's public health department.

We Todd Did

NEW BEDFORD, Mass. – Fire officials in New Bedford, Mass., say a man using a blowtorch to melt ice on his back porch ended up setting his house on fire, causing up to $30,000 in damage.

Fire Capt. Scott Kruger tells The Standard-Times of New Bedford that no on was injured during Monday's incident at the three-story home.

Kruger says the man was using a torch hooked up to a 20-pound propane cylinder. He got too close to the building's wood frame and ignited the vinyl siding. The fire quickly spread into the building's second- and third-floor apartments.

It took 25 firefighters to subdue the blaze that damaged bedrooms in the upstairs units, and caused damage to the structure and wiring.

The homeowner will not be charged.

Mexican Beauty Queen, ughhh nevermind.

MEXICO CITY (Reuters) – A Mexican beauty queen arrested on suspicion of drug trafficking was ordered jailed for another 40 days on Friday while investigators probe suspected ties to violent smuggling gangs.

A judge ordered Laura Zuniga, the current Miss Sinaloa who was nabbed at a military checkpoint on Monday along with seven heavily armed men, to stay behind bars during the investigation, the attorney general's office said in a statement.

One of the men arrested with Zuniga, 23, is linked to the leadership of the Juarez cartel, which operates lucrative smuggling routes into the United States, investigators said.

Zuniga, who won the Miss Sinaloa title in July and was to compete in the Miss International 2009 pageant next year in Asia, was the capo's girlfriend, police say.

Gone Postal

MOUNT CLEMENS — A Detroit-area postal worker has been charged with stealing gold from the mail after he tried to pawn his treasure to the shop that had shipped it.

The postal worker sold the gold on Nov. 7 to G&S Brokers pawn shop for $320. Authorities told The Detroit News that jeweler James Zelinske recognized the gold because he had melted and mailed it to a business in Ann Arbor.

Zelinske had insured the parcel of gold for $1,000.

The postal worker has been charged with embezzling mail from the Mount Clemens post office. He appeared Thursday in federal court in Detroit. Court records did not identify his lawyer.

Australia - Ginger Motherland

EXHAUSTED and demoralized nurses would rather work as prostitutes than in Queensland's crumbling hospitals, The Courier-Mail reports. A former registered nurse of 10 years' experience has told how she and at least four of her colleagues have found new jobs working in brothels. "We could no longer work in such an understaffed and stressful environment," said the mother of two, who wanted to be known only as Jenna. "I was overworked, poorly paid and a mistake could have led to charges if I caused a death," she said. "I came to the conclusion the nursing shortage wasn't my problem but it was my responsibility to protect myself from burning out or making a fatal mistake."
Queensland Nurses Union assistant secretary Beth Mohle said the union was aware nurses were leaving the system because of workloads and burnout, and were experiencing record levels of frustration.

Eat a bag Michigan

BRIGHTON — Ticking someone off could get you a ticket in one Michigan city. The Brighton City Council on Thursday approved an ordinance allowing police in the Livingston County community to ticket and fine anyone who is annoying in public "by word of mouth, sign or motions."

The Livingston County Daily Press & Argus of Howell reports the measure is modeled on a similar ordinance in the Detroit suburb of Royal Oak. A city attorney says there could be situations where the measure would violate freedom of speech, but that those cases will be reviewed by the city. The ban takes effect Jan. 2.

Note to self: Cops in Chicago is edjamacated.

CHICAGO — The sheriff's office in Chicago has arrested more than 60 fugitives with a net of holiday cheer. Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart said Sunday that the suspects were invited to take a retailers' survey for holiday shoppers at a hotel earlier this month.

Participants who brought along a scratch-off card that was included with the survey were promised at least $500.

Those who showed up were taken into custody. One man who arrived with marijuana in his pocket was charged with possession on top of his previous charges.

The fugitives had warrants for crimes including forgery and aggravated battery.

Health Dept. Holiday after party reduced to two.

LAWRENCEVILLE — Some health department workers in southern Illinois think they may have discovered some contaminated food — at their own office Christmas party.

After the Lawrence County Health Department had a buffet for 72 people at a restaurant last week, 42 of the attendees suffered stomach problems, including the head of the department, Phyllis Wells. "I'm telling you, it got me down. I about passed out and everything else," Wells said Monday. "It

My future ex-wife.

MINDEN — A 39-year-old woman was arrested last week on suspicion of smoking marijuana with her two teenage children. Douglas County sheriff's deputies said the woman was detained after they responded to a report of a suspicious vehicle. Deputies said the woman told them that she was teaching her son to drive, but they smelled marijuana emanating from the vehicle.

The suspect's son, whose age was unavailable, and 14-year-old daughter told deputies they had shared two bowls of marijuana with their mother.

The woman was booked into jail Tuesday on charges of child endangerment, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and possession of a drug.

The 14-year-old was released to Child and Protective Services, while the boy was placed in juvenile detention.